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A Clean Bill
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By Malcolm D. Welshman B.V.Sc.
Author of the bestseller, Pets in a Pickle.
www.malcolmwelshman.co.uk
‘You can’t be too careful,’ warned Mrs Tidy, pointing the
spray gun at my consulting table and directing a mist of
spray across it.
‘I do wipe down between clients,’ I ventured to say.
‘Might not be the right concentration to kill
off all those nasty bugs which must get brought in,’ she
said. And I don’t want my Bill catching anything.’
Mrs Tidy swung the parrot cage containing the cockatiel onto
the table. Bill’s cage was spotless. Its metal
bars gleamed. Its mirrors shone. Both feed and
water pots brilliant in their whiteness. The floor too
was spotless. Not a mark on the overlying sand sheet.
It was a wonder Bill ever dared to relieve himself.
Even Bill managed to reflect this immaculate clean image .
He was a Lutino. No dusty grey feathering for him.
But a pristine, pure white plumage. Unmarked save for
the yellow head and crest and the characteristic orange
cheek feathers.
Just at that moment Bill wagged his tail and relieved
himself.
‘Sorry about that,’ murmured Mrs Tidy.
‘Perfectly natural,’ I replied with a shrug. ‘It’s the Call
of Nature.’
‘It’s all the germs I worry about,’ said Mrs Tidy with a
switch of her broad builder’s shoulders.
‘Germs?’
‘You’re a vet. You should know what I mean.’ Mrs Tidy
looked round as if in fear of being overheard. ‘Salmonella,
E. coli. Chlamydia,’ she hissed. ‘Even …’ She
paused and leaned forward. ‘Even MRSA.’
She straightened up to her full height and gazed down at me.
‘So I want you to give Bill the works.’
Mrs Tidy went on to explain. A complete blood count,
Chlamydia screen, and a culture of the throat and vent were
required.
I gulped. Bill scuttled to the other end of his perch
and raised his crest in alarm. The suggestion of a
swab up his cloaca was clearly not to his liking.
But Mrs Tidy was adamant. ‘Bugs,’ she boomed her steel
grey eyebrows rising like Tower Bridge. No way could
she be crossed.
So I acquiesced. Bill was booked in for his
overhaul the following day. And once the tests had
been carried out he was returned to Mrs Tidy with
instructions to come back in a week’s time to discuss the
results.
A week to the day, I was subjected to another blast from Mrs
Tidy’s spray gun before Bill’s cage was hoisted onto the
table.
‘All clear,’ I was able to pronounce. ‘Bill’s got a clean
bill of health.’
‘Well you’ve missed something then,’ said Mrs Tidy. ‘He’s
got the squits. ‘Probably picked it up when he was
here last week.’ Mrs Tidy shuddered. The word ‘Germs’
floated unsaid in the air between us.
I peered in at Bill’s sand-sheet. Pristine. Unsoiled.
Spotless.
‘Just changed it,’ said Mrs Tidy. ‘But he has been
loose these last three days.’
I tried to reassure her that all was well with Bill.
‘Still eating is he?’ I asked. The scoured empty
containers in his cage gave me no indication of his food
intake.
‘’Yes,’ replied Mrs Tidy.
‘What?’
A long list ensued. Peanuts, thoroughly washed.
Sunflower and sesame seeds equally scoured. Sprouts,
steamed. Sweet corn, boiled. Apples, stewed’.
‘Well there’s your answer.’
I explained. ‘Bill’s environment and feeding regime
are just too sterile for his own good. He needs a few
bugs around to build up some natural immunity.’
The mention of ‘bugs’ sent a shiver coursing through Mrs
Tidy’s torso. She visibly flinched. But I
persevered. Tried to convince her a more down-to-earth
diet would suit Bill better. Eventually she acquiesced and
left assuring me she’d take my advice and feed Bill a more
natural diet.
A fortnight later, I received a package in the post. It was
carefully sealed with a biohazard label plastered across it.
Having hacked it open, I was presented with a plastic
container labelled ‘Bill Tidy’ and dated. For a
panic-stricken second I thought I was being presented with
Bill’s body. But no. When I unscrewed the lid, there,
on a piece of cut sand-sheet, was a dropping. Green
and white. Well formed. A perfect poo.
I was delighted.
Why? Because it meant Mrs Tidy would no longer poo-poo
my advice. |
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Clinic In A Box
Clinic in a Box is an exciting project by the LSPCA
(Lilongwe Society for the Protection and Care of Animals)
and supported by RSPCA International, to help set up a free,
well equipped vet clinic in one of the lowest-income
countries in the world.
The LSPCA is the first and only animal
welfare organisation in Malawi; providing vital veterinary
care for animals in low-income communities, which would
otherwise never see a vet. RSPCA International is currently
raising funds and sourcing equipment in the UK to send out
to LSPCA’s new, permanent veterinary clinic.
The clinic’s theatre is currently empty, so
we are looking for donations of everything from an x-ray
machine, anaesthetic machine and surgical instruments to
lights and medicines. When all the essential equipment has
been sourced, everything will be packed into a huge
shipping container and sent from the UK to Malawi -
literally a 'Clinic in a Box'!
TV vet and LSPCA patron Joe Inglis, said:
“The LSPCA is a very small charity and the scale of the
challenges they face in Malawi is enormous – which is why
there is a desperate need for additional resources and
funding to help them continue and expand their amazing
work,”
“Once the ‘Clinic in a Box’ veterinary clinic
is complete it will make a huge impact on the welfare of
thousands of animals across this country. So, if you think
you can offer help and support to this vital project, please
get in touch.”
As well as providing practical veterinary
care, the LSPCA also raises public awareness on animal
welfare issues.
How can you help?
If you have a UK mobile, you can donate by
text.. For example to donate £3, just text CARE33 £3 to
70070. You can donate £1, £2, £3, £4, £5 or £10.
Or you can also donate via our Just Giving
page:
www.justgiving.com/lspca
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How to House Train
Your Puppy

Everyone loves a new puppy but
training him to do the things he has to do outside
rather than on the living room carpet can be
something of a challenge.
Here pet product manufacturer Rolf C. Hagen offers
some helpful advice to make the process easier for
both you and your pet.
Dogs learn best by repetition so it's important to
get him into a routine. First decide where you want
him to go and make sure you take him to that same
spot every few hours especially after eating,
drinking and immediately after he wakes up.
Remember that very young puppies can only hold their
bladders for 2 to 3 hours - including during the
night. Be sure to praise your puppy when he performs
in the right place and resist the temptation to
scold him when he makes a mistake.
Dogs respond well to praise but will not understand
if you lose your temper or rub his nose in it, all
that will do is to encourage him to do it out of
site, such as behind the settee.
One way of encouraging your puppy to return to the
right place is to use a training aid such as Hagen's
Dogit training mats.
These are scented to attract your puppy and at the
same time reduce odours, they're also useful when
travelling or staying in hotels.
If you take him to his training mat or a special
place outdoors after he heats or drinks he will
develop the habit and eventually become accustomed
to where and when to go.
It's important not to let your puppy turn house
training into a game. A trip to the toilet area
shouldn't be an opportunity to go wild in the
garden. If after visiting the area he decides not to
perform take him back indoors immediately and try
again later. Keep a careful eye on him to make sure
he doesn't wander off into another room or go behind
the furniture.
When the inevitable accident does happen clean up as
soon as possible and spray the area with a pet
deodoriser such as Hagen’s Dogit BUST-IT stain and
odour remover, this will get rid of unpleasant
smells and stop your puppy being attracted to the
same area again.
A dog’s sense of smell is many times better than our
own and conventional cleaners will not remove the
residual scents that are still detectable by your
dog’s highly sensitive nose.
If your puppy continues to have accidents it’s
probably because he does not really understand what
is expected of him. Try going back to the beginning
and show him what you want him to do. Don’t get
cross; just persevere until he gets it right.
Even when house-trained some dogs have little
accidents when greeting visitors; every time they
get excited a little puddle appears on the floor.
Again it’s no good shouting or chastising the dog;
that will only make things worse. Try to keep
things calm and if possible warn your guests about
the problem before they arrive.
Greeting your friends outside the house rather than
in the hall is another option, but in any event keep
things low key and avoid getting your dog too
excited.
Finally, in rare cases medical problems can cause a
form of incontinence in young dogs, so if your puppy
is continually having accidents despite your
house-training efforts it may be worth taking him to
the vets for a check-up.
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Nuts about young
talent – RSPCA competition winners
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A photo of a quizzical red squirrel
peeking out of the woodland dusk has beaten off
stiff competition to be named overall winner of the
RSPCA Young Photographer Awards 2011
(YPA11).‘Evening Light’ - winning image by Will
Nicholls.
Will Nicholls, 16, from Hexham, was presented with
his prize at a ceremony at the Tower of London today
(Friday, December 16) for his image of the rare
animal taken in Keilder Forest, Northumberland. He
also won the 16-18 category for the same snapshot of
the squirrel pausing for thought as a ray of evening
sunlight casts across its face.
Award-winning photographer Danny Green was one of
the judges of the awards, and will provide the
specialist three-day wildlife photography break
which makes up part of Will’s prize. He said: “This
is a very intimate portrait of an elusive creature –
a truly deserving winner.
“The way the light is shining on the squirrel in
this picture makes you feel as if it is you, the
viewer, who has happened across it. It is very
personal, giving you the impression that you are
actually there.
“This is all the more powerful because the red
squirrel is not doing too great at the moment –
there has been a massive decline and it is now a
very rare species.”
Other winners include 17-year-old Sam Rowley from
Richmond, who topped the Portfolio category with a
selection of images of deer – including stags
locking antlers, another bellowing into the dawn
mist and a mother cleaning her fawn’s ear.Amy
Wilton’s image of Running Whippets.
Two excited Whippets skipping along a beach won
16-year-old Amy Wilton from Fareham the Pet
Personalities category; a synchronised caterpillar
eating team at the end of the garden meant that
Georgia Hardy, 12, of Bristol, topped the 12-15
group; and a misty portrait of a Black Tailed Godwit
standing one-legged on a post won 10-year-old Sophie
Bramall from Stafford the under-12s category.
The awards were presented by wildlife filmmaker and
TV presenter Simon King, who also helped judge the
awards. He said: "The standard of the entries this
year has been just incredible and it is a privilege
to be involved in this competition.
"It is fantastic to see such young talent pour so
much imagination and originality into capturing the
spirit of an animal and our relationship with them.
"I was particularly impressed with how young some of
the entrants were - the under 12 category was just
phenomenal."
For further details and information about the
competition and its prizes please visit
www.rspca.org.uk/ypa.
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Three
Dogs Dumped Outside
RSPCA Animal Hospital
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Three lurcher dogs
were dumped outside the RSPCA Putney Animal Hospital
in London with a note saying their owners had
been made homeless and could no longer care for
them.
The dogs were found by RSPCA staff at 10.30pm tied
to railings outside the hospital. The female dogs -
Beauty, a three-year-old, Taura - a one-year-old and
Puppy, a six month old were all found together.
It is a criminal offence to dump animals in
conditions that are likely to cause them suffering
and anyone found responsible could face up to six
months in prison or a fine of up to £20,000. The
dogs will now be cared for at the animal hospital
until a place can be found for them at an RSPCA
animal rehoming centre.Anyone who knows who the dogs
belonged to is asked to contact the RSPCA in
confidence on 03001234999.
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Sixtyplusurfers Competition
Win Goodies for You and Your Dog
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From Dotcomgiftshop
Dotcomgiftshop has teamed up with
Sixtyplusurfers to offer one lucky
reader the chance to win a selection of fantastic
goodies for you and your dog.
This lovely prize includes a Scotty Dog Hand Warmer,
a Dog Licence Poster, a Dog Licence Mug and a Dog
Bowl.
The
Scotty Dog Hand Warmer shown above is a mini pocket
warmer and provides self-heating and rechargeable
heat for your hands. The heat is easily activated by
flexing a metal disc inside the gel.
The chemical reaction then produces warmth in
seconds and will last for around 40 minutes. You can
reuse the hand warmer by boiling it for 15 minutes
until the contents have liquefied. It can then be
used again. Price is £2.95.
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Brighten up your home with this Vintage Dog Licence
Poster, 'Does Your Dog Have a Licence?'
The nostalgic poster is framed in a stylish black
clip frame and measures 45cm length by 33cm width.
Price is £14.95.
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Feed your dog in style with this Vintage cream 'Dog'
food bowl.
The bowl has a lovely retro feel and has black
writing with a non slip rubber base. Price is £9.95.
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Treat yourself to a lovely cup of tea after walking
the dog with this Large Cream 'Does you dog have a
licence?' ceramic mug.
Dishwasher and microwave safe, the ceramic mug is
9cm in height. Price is £3.95.
About Dotcomgiftshop
Dotcomgiftshop aims to put
the magic and excitement back into gift and home
ware shopping with the most comprehensive range of
beautiful, contemporary, kitsch, cool and
inspirational products available.
They offer customers a wide range of gifts for her
and for him, exclusively designed or sourced by our
in-house team. They are a little bit quirky, often
quite kitsch but always incredibly stylish.
This season's unrivalled collection
includes a selection of gifts for cat and dog
owners, items for the home and garden, gifts for
Valentine's Day, and other gift giving occasions.
Dotcomgiftshop also offers retro style kitchenware,
‘Make Your Own’ craft kits, kid’s baking kits,
vintage games, jewellery and travel accessories.
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Visit www.dotcomgiftshop.com for
the very best selection of gifts and home
accessories - fabulous and fun gift ideas for all.
For Your Chance to Win
Tell us the name of
this famous celebrity with his dog?
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a) Martin Clunes
b) Ricky Gervais
c) Jonathan Ross
d) Graham Norton
To
Enter the Competition
Tell us the name of the celebrity above, pictured
with his dog?
Then send in your answer, together with your full
name, postal address and telephone number by
clicking on the Sixtyplusurfers link given below:
sixtypluscomp@hotmail.co.uk
* This competition is open
to
our UK Visitors only
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